his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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