I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
