The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
