At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
