We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
