Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
