I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
third nipple confirmed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
