um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
