So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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