grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
