I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
