he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
