he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
