Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
