New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
