Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
