Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
