Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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