shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
