Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
