Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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