Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
