he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
