Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
