this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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