I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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