I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
