How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
