i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
