Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think i have two assholes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
