I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
