You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
