sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
