i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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