if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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