I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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