and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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