I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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