Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
