All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
