I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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