The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just had sex bonerless
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
