ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
