a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
