You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
