i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
