So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
