I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
