Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
