There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
