I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
